Some Kind Of Feeling


I was finally starting to feel sleepy and I tucked my chin under the covers as I like to do. I was staying at my cousin’s house, in the same bed that used to be her grandmother’s during her battle with cancer. The thought of her again made me uncomfortable and my drowsiness quickly started to dissipate. Out of respect to her memory I took deep breathes and calmed myself. Adi even though you weren’t related to her she still loved and respected you, there’s no reason to get scared. Regardless of the fact that I was 20 at the time, knowing that my parents were not sleeping in the bed across from me in the guest room didn’t make the situation any better. The last of the lights in the hallway were shut off and everyone went to bed. In complete darkness I pulled the covers up to my nose. That wasn’t enough so I pulled them up to my forehead. Exhaustion overwhelmed me and I finally fell asleep.

Suddenly I awake and a steady flow of adrenaline is coursing through my veins. I’m so shocked I can’t move my body. My eyes wander aimlessly across the ceiling and with great strain I try to gaze in front of me towards the doorway. I know my imagination is messing with me as I envision her walking towards the doorway. Somehow I’m able to rationalize that thought away. I’m not even gazing into the doorway, you’re making things up. Then I remember the story my cousin told me about times she was in the house alone. She could hear her calling her name.

The thought was enough to trigger a mild panic attack, but I’m still unable to move. Exhaustion overwhelms me and I’m eventually forced out of this state of hypersensitivity only to be claimed by deep slumber. I had slept in that bed many times before, but this was definitely the worst.

The next day I received a call from my girlfriend. She was in tears and clearly distressed, so I leave the family room to talk to her in private.

“Hey what’s going on? Why are you so upset?”

” Something terrible happened”. She’s sobbing furiously and I can’t quite understand her, so I try to calm her.

“Tell me what happened. I’m listening”

“I was in the basement looking for my aunt and I found my uncle sitting on the couch and watching tv. He turned around to tell me that she wasn’t home right now. But he had this look on his face that didn’t quite look right, he seemed out of his mind”. She was stammering too much at this point so I waited patiently only for her sake.

She continues. “He told me to sit down next to him and I had a rather awkward feeling about the whole thing, but he’s my uncle so I sat down. He started telling me how beautiful I was and then leaned over and kissed me without any hesitation. I was so shocked, I didn’t know what to do. So I just sat there for a second, taking it. Then when I finally recovered a small part of my senses I ran upstairs to my room without a word”.

As soon as I hung up the phone a sinking feeling hit my stomach. Last night. That sense of shock had been unreal. I’m not afraid of my cousin’s grandmother anymore, she had always been kind to me, and if anything she had relayed a message to me that night. However, whenever I visit my cousin’s house I offer to sleep on the couch in the basement if the upstairs guest room has the last bed available. The memory still haunts me and I’ll never be able to sleep comfortably in that bed again.

I’m the first person to tell you that I’m not a fan of a firm belief in the supernatural. I’m too logical, too scientific to be bothered with all that nonsense, right? This post is not a reflection of my belief in the supernatural, but the fact that this experience overwhelms me to the point that I don’t know how to rationalize it. Sit down with me for a debate at dinner and I’ll tell you why there is no reason to firmly believe such a thing exists. Ask me for a good story and then we are getting somewhere. This is not the only time such a “coincidence” has happened, warnings and messages have been relayed before.

On a somewhat more positive note, we all probably have experiences that scared us into a state of shock, supernatural or not. This experience finally made me stop worrying about the “ghost” of my cousin’s grandmother. I was always felt it was disrespectful to think of her as harassing me in the afterlife, when she had always been so kind to me when she was alive. If there is such a thing as her ghost, she was only trying to help.

What do you think about the existence of ghosts and spirits? Ask me on a good day and I’ll tell you they don’t exist! Fear can vanquish any sense of logic.

2 comments on “Some Kind Of Feeling

  1. Wow. What a crazy experience! I, too, have the same “problem” in rationalizing things, especially ever since I’ve left the Christian environment I grew up with and instead became a believer in I don’t know what.

    Sometimes I think we don’t have to rationalize it all. You know? We spend so much time trying to understand things. To cut things into little chunks so WE can understand. Which I guess is a natural thing to do for humans but somehow sometimes I wonder if it’s really necessary. Do you know what I mean? Am I making sense at all…

    Liked by 1 person

    • royyman32 says:

      No you definitely are making sense. We don’t need to rationalize anything in a basic sense. Humans can just live out their lives without it, but our curiosity towards things we don’t understand probably drives this process. In this circumstance I’m happy to just claim I don’t understand.

      Yeah the experience was pretty weird. Believing in I don’t know what gives me problems too. I want to be all logical and high on my horse, but sometimes I just can’t justify doing that.

      Thanks for reading all my stuff 🙂


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