I’m constantly looking for good discussions. Either trying to start them or reacting to the few people who engage me. Life has taught me that people who are continuously seeking intellectual and drawn out discussions are few in number. Blogging has given me a way to satisfy my appetite for such thought and discussion. That aspect of my active brain makes blogging a necessity for me. I always have trouble going to sleep at night. I’m constantly daydreaming when I should be taking notes in class. I have thoughts that are too silly to voice out loud, but find a home in a themed article upon the feed of a blog. I was able to start a one way conversation with myself, something that is quite satisfying as an introvert. I can let loose whatever thoughts I needed for the day and it feels so good after I’m done. The process of writing my posts here is really therapeutic because usually whatever goes here originated as a thought that stayed trapped in my mind, unable to find a home in another conversation or academic paper. Some ideas need to be expressed, not simply daydreamed about. So I fulfill my needs with this blog.
In addition, there definitely are personal experiences and bad memories I hold, that I need to reflect on, but there’s no one in my life I can open up to. Not even my mother. I’m too introverted to let certain things out to people I know. Self reflection in my mind is helpful, but there’s something about actual conversation that enhances the healing process. So I write my inner thoughts here; to firstly get it off my chest and to secondly possibly help other people facing similar situations or help others avoid undesirable mistakes. Writing simulates a proper conversation better than any introverts two person stream of consciousness when in isolated thought. Thus I knew I could better relieve my anxiety and depression while spreading a little positivity and inspiration when possible through writing on my blog.
This is not my first experience blogging, but it is almost my first time using WordPress. I maintained a website for my college’s radio station (which I am now the station manager of) as part of my duties when I joined the executive board. I only held that position for one semester sophomore year, but that was my introduction to website building and blogging. For the next half of sophomore year, I created a blog using blogger that was titled “Random Stories From A Confused Internet Person” (sounds kind of familiar doesn’t it?). Well the title describes me well for that period of time. I was a mediocre writer who rambled on about disconnected events and thoughts. I had the same motivations/needs that I described to you today, but I just didn’t have the skills to convey my thoughts clearly in the manner I desired.
Here’s a snippet of writing from my old blogger:
In 1st grade I had a friend named Ryan. I invited him over one Friday to my house so we could play this cool Digimon flash game . My mother had told me the previous day that she thought the game was too violent. The Greymon in the game would shoot fire balls out of its mouth, blowing up all the bad guys. Of course Ryan and I thought the blowing up part made the game super cool.
So we got off the bus, said a quick hi to my mom, and dashed upstairs to the den. My mom followed us up and just as I was logging on to the computer she gave me a reminder that Ryan and I would not be allowed to play the Digimon game. I muttered back a quick agreement and then turned to Ryan with a super sly smile.
if you’ve read some of my other pieces you can see the similarity in structure as well as voice. I didn’t have any problems with the “physical” aspects of writing text. I simply hadn’t learned how to organize my thoughts in an efficient manner that took into account the reader’s perspective. It’s not bad writing, but it has an incredibly linear structure. Here I simply placed facts on a page and fact followed from fact. Nowadays I hope to think I’m more considerate of the reader’s perspective than I was two years ago.
The thing about writing my previous blogs was that I never got any feedback. I wrote 6 posts on “Random Stories From A Confused Internet Person” within the span of a month. I got one view in that entire time. I remember checking my stats every day, hoping someone would find value in what I had to say. I forgot that I was writing the blog to improve my writing and to release pent-up thoughts inside my head. It’s natural to want your writing to be received well, for it to get nice feedback and feel increased self-worth, but that incentive consumed me. Therefore when I never received any views I simply gave up.
When I started “Thoughts Of An Internet Person” I told myself, “Adi, you’re here to improve your writing. Making sure you can record those pent-up thoughts on paper in a precise manner is your utmost priority.” I reinforced to myself that I first had to learn to write for myself. To pursue improvement in writing and collection of my thoughts without the incentive of reward was my goal. However, those of you who have been reading my blog really changed my perspective. I have finally established a bit of a two-way conversation with you guys. I can be a little overly optimistic in saying this blog is not one lone introvert writing to himself anymore. As much as I knew I needed to write these blog posts for my own therapeutic and creative purposes, I never took for granted that people would connect with me. So I wanted to take the time to tell you guys how much this small level of interaction/feedback means to me. I have explored various writing styles/techniques that were unfamiliar to me prior. I have received an unbelievable amount of acceptance from those who follow me. I have written about some very personal topics at times and I have overwhelmingly received encouragement as well as words of kindness. I felt the joy, for the first time, of someone reading my writing and actually enjoying it or having something thoughtful to add to the conversation.
You can take a look at my follower count and see the number 88. I’m going to tell you right now that I would be incredibly arrogant and selfish if I didn’t take a moment to thank everyone who has read my blog so far for making this such a rewarding experience. The truth is I have reached a state where I can write just for myself. Yesterday I had to submit a draft of a mathematical research paper for my math seminar. I knew I would be doing quite a bit of writing yesterday, but I never had a doubt in my mind that I would write my blog post as well. These posts have drastically improved my writing, increased my positive outlook, and improved my mental health. There was no way in hell I was going to miss writing my blog post yesterday, so I barely slept. Of course I would like to add that even given great self motivation, I am doubly reassured by the responses I have received from you all to continue writing. Sometimes blog writing becomes a consumer-producer relationship where I produce content as a writer and you consume it as the reader. The least I can do is try to show you how much I have received from this experience I have shared with you; this has become more than a producer creating for consumers. For that I am truly grateful.
I don’t need more than 88 followers to say this. That would be taking all I have received for granted. Who knows how many people will read my writing tomorrow? It could go back to 0 again, but I am not the same person from before. Thank you for that.